Wednesday, 12 December 2007

A day at the Hospital

If you have seen my last couple of posts you will know I have been having problems with my stomach, well yesterday was the day of my hospital appointment to get a combined Gastroscopy and Colnoscopy. I had followed the diet given in my last post Diet Day 1, took the senocot and picolax when I was supposed to and waited... and waited... and waited, after about half a day after taking the first glass of picolax the flood gates opened, but we are not going to go there. Back to yesterday. There I was at about 08:30 having a cup of black coffee and looking through what I had to do on the appointment day, reading through the pamphlet I see "No food or drinks to be taken on your appointment day"... Oh bollocks I think as I took a last mouth full of a particularly good cup of coffee throwing the rest away, the rest of the morning was spent getting ready for my appointment at 11:30, until the phone rings at about 10:15. My wife answers the phone, it was a call from the hospital asking were I was as I was supposed to be there at 9:30.... AAAAARRGGHHH!!! I am late.

We got to the hospital for about 10:30 ish and went to the department were i was going to get my camera jobby. We were only in the waiting room for not even five minutes and my name was called to go to a side room to fill in some forms and be told what was going to happen. Basically I was going to have a camera inserted in my butt and pushed up inside my bowel, I was also going to have a camera put down my throat into my stomach! WHAT? I was not told about this one.. I made my way back to the waiting room and told my wife what was going to happen and what could go wrong when my name was called again and I was ushered into the recovery ward were I was handed a hospital issue gown and some very attractive blue shorts with a slit up the back of them. I got changed as instructed and lay on the bad waiting to be wheeled into theatre. 11:00 came.. and went, 11:30.. 12:00 I am still waiting then finaly I what wheeled into theatre. I was given a sedative and some throat spray and asked to lay on my on my left side. After a couple of minutes to let the spray take effect a mouth piece was put in my mouth (duh obviously) and the camera was pushed down my throat.

I dont remember alot about what happened next except for gagging as the camera went down into my stomach, it took about 4-5 minutes in all then it was out. Once the camera was out of my mouth I remember getting into a conversation with the surgeon and one of the nurses about how her son had a tattoo the same as the one George Cloony had in the film From Dusk till Dawn. About the same time as we were all merrily talking about tattoos, Vampire movies and if memory serves me right a camera (pictures on the left) was inserted in the bottom area of me. Now this was not comfortable given the width of the camera and how it was moving around inside my bowel, the movement in my stomach alone felt weird, when I looked down to my stomach I could see movement in my stomach, alot like the movement you see in the films when a bug (usually a roach or scarab) is crawling around inside you.

The bottom picture over there on the left I think is pretty accurate size wise anyway. So any way were was I ? Yes the conversation moved on to forged money and how the surgeon was nearly conned into taking some from a chav not too long back. The operation or investigation took about 15 minutes in all and then it was over, after they pumped by stomach full of air for some reason or other and took some samples for biopsy I was wheeled back into the recovery ward and left for about 10 minutes to get my senses back. Then a cup of coffee and I was off back home with a stomach bloated with air and orders not to drink alcohol of drive.

Today my stomach is still hurting and my wee no longer smells like hospitals. Oh, one of the tests they done yesterday came back positive showing that I have what could be the start of an ulcer. Oh joy. Anyway I need to call work to see what shift I am on for what's left of this week, I need to drop a letter into the doctors and I need to change the cat litter as well.

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